A FRIEND ONCE TOLD ME: "You are a really positive person Morry!" "What makes you so optimistic?" I replied by saying; "Well, I tried pessimism once ..... but .........well, I only got depressed .. so I gave it up and never tried it again." :-)
The Problem.
I tell people that story because I think it's funny, but also to remind myself that Self-Pity is:
. totally unproductive
. self conceived and self-centered
. based on emotionalism
. destructive to good mental habits
. mother and father to unhappiness, self-doubt, depression, despair, and finally destruction
. the other side of Purpose.
Self-Pity: commits to no higher purpose than sentimentality, takes no courage, makes no efforts, thinks weak thoughts, runs away from problems, pulls others down, and gives up too soon. To the contrary Purpose: sets goals, girds itself for a fight, tries, thinks strong thoughts, attacks problems, inspires others, keeps trying, and never gives up.
A Picture of Purpose.
To people with self-reliance Self-Pity is a destructive distraction from the straight track of planning and effort. Picture in your mind this scene. The sun is shining brilliant yellow in the heavens on blue-skyed day. Fluffy white cumulus clouds float like fluffy white pillows high overhead of blue hills in the distance. You look down at your feet and the lift them up to see rows of wooden sleepers carrying two straight silver lines of railway track all the way to the distant blue hills directly in front of you. Beyond those hills, just out of sight - but not out of reach - are your hopes and dreams. The same sun shining on you now is shining on your goals and hopes in your Valley of Dreams...just out of sight. They are there waiting for you now. All you have to do is keep on the tracks.
A Picture of Pity.
However, before the hills there is a left turn in the track that loops off and away from Purpose, and goes down a steep decline downhill to a forest. The name of the station is called 'Self-Pity Siding.' Do you know it? Have you stopped there before? I have. Let me describe it for you. The tracks go past the old broken-down, dilapidated station, and going further down the slope the track disappears into a very dark forest of trees so thick overhead there is no light. Finally the track submerges entirely directl into and under a thick, ugly quagmire. Pity the passenger who arrives at Self-Pity Siding.
When we leave the straight track of Purpose we surrender our hopes and Dreams and loop toward: disappointment, depression, despair, and destruction. This is Suicide. It is Self -Pity's Second Prize to those who indulge its company.
The Logic of Pity and the Logic of Purpose.
I believe Self-Pity is the default of Hope, and Hope is related to Purpose - Despair is the other side of Hope's coin. Keep to the straight track of Purpose and you defeat Despair. The reasoning is that:
Self-Pity is the default of Hope,
Hope is related to Purpose,
Therefore Purpose defeats Self-Pity by restoring our Hope.
How to Defeat Depression and Despair?
"We borrow happiness from Hope, and Hope is probably the chief happiness that life affords." wrote the wise Samuel Johnson. (1709-1784). How to find Hope? To build Hope you must find a meaningful Purpose? How to find a Purpose? By asking yourself these three questions every time you feel depressed:
WHAT do I want?
WHEN do I want it by?
HOW am I going to get it?
WHAT is your target? What would you like to do? like to become? like to make? like to achieve? like to leave behind?
WHEN do you want it? will give you a time frame of achievement, a schedule for your Hopes.
HOW will you get it? is your plan to get what you want, it is the ladder to achievement, the straight track to your Dreams and Hopes that lie straight ahead of you but just out of sight. The same sun is shining on your dreams right now on the other side of those hills. Can you see them? Can you visualize yourself standing on the hill looking down on your Valley of Dreams? They are waiting for you. You can do it! You can get there by keeping to the straight track of Purpose and avoiding the emotional distractions of Self-Pity Siding.
Next time the emotions of Self-Pity Siding sings their siren song of; "Poor me Poor me" , "Look at what is going wrong!" silence the emotions by asking yourself the three questions winners ask themselves:
WHAT do I want?
WHEN do I want it by?
HOW am I going to get it?
This will shift your mind from Feeling to the area of Thinking. These three questions put Thinking back in your drivers seat. Your rational guide will then enlist his two friends to your cause. Imagination listens to Thinking, and he in turn will whistle up his partner Hope, and together Thinking, Imagination and Hope will deliver you enough power to propel your Dream Train without intermission on the straight track of Purpose to the Valley of your Hopes and Dreams.
The Habit of Hope - The Habit of asking Three Questions.
If you wish for the happiness that comes from Hope and Purpose, make it your unflinching habit to ask these three questions;
WHAT do I want?
WHEN do I want it by?
HOW am I going to get it?
People ask me why I'm an optimist. I reply I've seen what lies on that sharp left-looping turn away from the straight track. I read about the passengers on Despair's train in the suicide columns of the newspaper. It is not pretty. There are only responsible people on the straight track of Purpose. The Pity track passengers follow the steep incline that goes down, down to Despair. For me Self-Pity is not an option. Those three questions keep me on Purpose. They can keep you on Purpose too.
Morrison